Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Signed

Mngmnt.

Disclaimer: All the mentioned schemes are a copyright of company and do not bear any resemblance to existing diseases or human disorders.Employees trying to avail medical benefits would be sued to impotency.

As usual like everyday, we were playing a game of Table tennis in office  before lunch, I was accompanied by three of my office colleagues. After 2 games of doubles,when one of our friend had to leave ,myself and one of my colleague decided to take rest watching the other friend play singles match with a girl who was waiting to play a match while we were playing doubles.

My friend, the one playing the match isn’t a good player of TT, but we thought that since he was up against a girl he would easily manage to thrash her by a big margin. He began well and scored few quick points playing his usual shots, but as the match progressed the girl seemed to get better and play the game well. It appeared that she was taking time warming up initially. Though she soon equaled the score in the second set…It still dint appear to us that she would be able to keep up the pace. When she started to serve in the 3rd set , my friend lost 3 quick points and just to encourage him we asked him to keep his cool and just play normally (There are only quite a few girls who play TT in office ) .As the game progressed the girl got the better of my colleague who seemed to have been baffled at losing points..especially to a girl whom not many had noticed playing TT in office . He lost the game by a big margin of 10 points and complained that he played loose shots and wasn’t at his best in that game. From what appeared by looking at his expressions was that he was very disappointed at losing the game, especially when his opponent was a girl.

I was watching this game like any other game and when my “loser colleague”( Used only to identify a person,as i don’t want to disclose any name ) returned back,I smiled at him and thought that he lost the game because he lost his cool upon losing some points and thereby ending the game in a loss. Meanwhile as we were again 4 people ( we 3 and the girl ), i asked if we can play doubles.Just then my friend (With whome i was watching the previous match ) Got a call and he had to go somewhere, hence the girl invited me to play singles match with her.The “loser colleague” stood away from the table watching us play.

The game began with me serving in the first set, It was any normal game for me ( Just an average player) , as the first set progressed i was able to score first 3 points with my serve, which the girl found it difficult to handle . The other 2 points were lost experimenting some shots. After the first set i thought that i will win this game without much difficulty, but i wanted to have a good lengthy match so that i can experiment my shots at the expense of the girl whom i though to be a novice in the game (MISTAKE No 1).The second set begun with the girl serving, and i was able to pick it up easily, the game dragged in the second set with each of us playing good shots ( By our standards of course ) and scoring points. The second set fetched more points for the girl, because i tried smash shots which landed far away from the table!!

By the third set the girl had equaled the score(5-5), i thought that i can surpass her if stop experimenting and there was no need to worry, It was my turn to serve this time and i changed my serve so that i can play some quick shots, as i expected her to play an ineffective return shot. As expected the return was not effective, but my shots failed to land the ball on the table…and i lost some couple of points. I decided not to monkey around and gain some lead in the match..just then i realized that whatever shot i played to the Right of the girl she easily managed to play a return shot and not only that she was able to place her shots really well. My other friend who had gone to attend a call came back and inquired about the score, my loser friend informed him that i was losing (Perhaps he wanted me to lose so that he wouldn’t remain the only loser that afternoon ) . I felt a feeling of  anger  getting into me and i replied sternly that the game wasn’t yet finished.

The game progressed with the girl displaying good shots and strategy, at one moment she played a good smash that was beyond my approach. Just at that moment my loser friend yelled ” Joshi you are waste ” ..Thank GOD he said this in telugu :p but the word “Waste” wasn’t translated  and it was clearly heard!!! I felt a feeling of unrest,anger and a bit of fear (fear of losing )  get into my mind (MISTAKE 2 ), I don’t understand if  it was because he acted like that ( He plays TT  worse than me ) or because of the fact that my opponent was getting the better of me!! I lost few quick points in succession..just then i understood why the “loser friend” might have lost points in the previous game ( It was due to the frustration that comes after you realize that the person whom you underestimated shows you stars in daylight ). I then decided to keep my cool and just play well (Still the fear of losing to a girl lingered at the back of my mind somehow ).

The game became a close one as my friends watched us play , I played with a  defensive strategy and expected the girl (Whom i thought to be a weak opponent)  to make a mistake!! ) . I was able to gain some points, and get a lead of one point. It was my turn to serve, and score was (17-18 ) , here i remembered the weakness of the girl to a serve on her left side..and i did exactly that, I deliberately served to her left and she wasn’t able to pick it up. At that moment all i wanted was to win this game by trying anything that could defeat her ( Reputation at stake!! ). The match headed to deuce in spite of my best efforts. I won the match relying on my serve, not before the girl gaining advantage on two occasions which she failed to convert in a win ( Just by stroke of luck ).

As we were having lunch i was wondering about the state of my mind while playing the match. Even though i won, i felt that i had lost the game. I analyzed the sequence of events and realized that i had grossly underestimated my opponent only because she was a girl, and that boys can easily win over girls in sports ( Education no ways!! ). As the game progressed i got a feeling that, in case i lost the match it would be a disaster (As if i would cease to be called a male!! ), The comments of my friends made me a bit nervous and brought in the fear of losing (Which i dint reflect on the face, but it was one hell of an internal syndrome!).

All these feelings came from a prejudice that men are superior to women in sport. I would have had the same prejudice if the match would have been against a school kid who dint know anything about TT.But the fear was brought in by “Pride” , that destroys you from within!! I wonder if from the feeling that i had carried then i expected myself to win in Chess while playing against koneru humpy , win against sania mirza in tennis, or defeat saina nehwal in badminton!!!!

lesson learnt..always play according to the competition, not the competitor!! Amen!

2009 came and went off in a jiffy!! cant belive that whole year can vanish so fast.Started the year with an outing at  Mount  Opera with friends…since there was recessions and not more projects coming in..it was a government job almost, with an exception that we had some formal meetings once a week to discuss what must be done and to meet in the next week with some agenda..which everyone knew dint exist!!Got trained into many technologies with Java being a nightmare…then the vizag tour that was awesome and enjoyable!!

By april end was into a project based on SAP, again a training, but this time it was serious work with an envirionment of high school!! weekends were always a good respite for some days….later when the pattern of work was understood (Take work and pass it on ) things became easy and enjoyable!!!

After doing some copy and paste (oops migration activity ), got an opportunity to work  with an awesome Manager…bindaas felllo…his strategy was simple ..do whatever you like to…just get the results…keep the client happy..stay happy!!!loved the work that we did together..it was performance testing…but since it was all new..enjoyed learning it, it was all practicle..like a restaurant where idli and dosa are served Hot and fresh….just learn and apply soon..lest u forget!!! We used to stay in office till 2 am sometimes joking and laughing, that was the time when i really enjoyed the work. The most hilarious part was that when he offered to switch positions and asked me to attend an onsite SME call….i was the manager all through the call with on site team in New york and he was sitting behind me laughing!!!Cant forget those times when i worked on multiple projects and felt that i was enjoying the work.

After this work was finished it was woking again on SAP, coleagues were really helpful in providing the updates and know how of the improvised tools and it was all happies again!!! Weekend came and weekends went…work wasnt much and it was all team efforts hence none had to take any tension….managed some appreciations from clients and everything went smooth….Realised that preparation for CAT was not yeat started and already 8 months passed away without a trace!! started prep for CAT , but was regularly irregular….weekends were spent partying or with friends…took a vacation for preparing seriously…but that too was wasted away..Finally prepared somewhat seriously in the last 2 months before exam…but the damage was already done!!

December came and so did the exam…was okie-dokie..awaiting results….but as i write this blog….even i cant exactly remember…Where did 2009 go…feels like life went fast forward!!!anyways it was a year that wasnt!!!

Good Morning everyone and thank you for giving me this chance to speak to you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become something in your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days in human life when one is truly elated.  The first day in college is one of them.  When you were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your stomach. What would the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be like, who are my new classmates – there is so much to be curious about. I call this excitement, the spark within you that makes you feel truly alive today. Today I am going to talk about keeping the spark shining. Or to put it another way, how to be happy most, if not all the time.

Where do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them jump on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A story from daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for birthday party – several months in advance – just for the day they will cut their own birthday cake.

I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark fades. People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second half? That is what happens when the spark is lost.   So how to save the spark?

Imagine the spark to be a lamp’s flame. The first aspect is nurturing – to give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to guard against storms.

To nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is possible for you. It isn’t any external measure – a certain cost to company pay package, a particular car or house.

Most of us are from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks is success and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints force everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement. But it isn’t the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr. Ambani would not show up for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore. Steve Jobs won’t be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold Pixar for billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes them come to work everyday? They do it because it makes them happy. They do it because it makes them feel alive Just getting better from current levels feels good. If you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort to interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you practice, your cricket will get better. You may also know that you cannot become Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level. Striving for that next level is important.

Nature designed with a random set of genes and circumstances in which we were born. To be happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature’s design. Are you? Goals will help you do that. I must add, don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.

There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

You must have read some quotes – Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or whatever. No, from what I have seen so far, life is one of those races in nursery school, where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One last thing about nurturing the spark – don’t take life seriously. One of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One student asked him if these jokes would take away something from the yoga practice. The teacher said – don’t be serious, be sincere. This quote has defined my work ever since. Whether its my writing, my job, my relationships or any of my goals. I get thousands of opinions on my writing everyday. There is heaps of praise, there is intense criticism. If I take it all seriously, how will I write? Or rather, how will I live? Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It’s ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.

I’ve told you three things – reasonable goals, balance and not taking it too seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must be guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness and loneliness of purpose.

Disappointment will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If things don’t go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades – how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you. But it’s life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember – if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that’s where you want to be.

Disappointment’ s cousin is  Frustration, the second storm.  Have you ever been frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve, sometimes things take so long that you don’t know if you chose the right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took me five years to get close to  a release. Frustration saps excitement, and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the time involved – movies take a long time to make even though they are watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result – at least I was learning how to write scripts, having a side plan – I had my third book to write and even something as simple as pleasurable distractions in your life – friends, food, travel can help you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously. Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.

Unfairness – this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how our country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces, pedigree find it easier to make it – not just in Bollywood, but everywhere. And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few opportunities in India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to make it happen. Merit and hard work is not always linked to achievement in the short term, but the long term correlation is high, and ultimately things do work out. But realize, there will be some people luckier than you. In fact, to have an opportunity to go to college and understand this speech in English means you are pretty damm lucky by Indian standards. Let’s be grateful for what we have and get the strength to accept what we don’t. I have so much love from my readers that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don’t get literary praise. It’s ok. I don’t look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It’s ok. Don’t let unfairness kill your spark.

Finally, the last point that can kill your spark is Isolation. As you grow older you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want Ice cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique. What you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be different from even the people closest to you. This can create conflict as your goals may not match with others. And you may drop some of them. Basketball captains in college invariably stop playing basketball by the time they have their second child. They give up something that meant so much to them. They do it for their family. But in doing that, the spark dies. Never, ever make that compromise. Love yourself first, and then others.

There you go. I’ve told you the four thunderstorms – disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation. You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to not let the spark die.

I welcome you again to the most wonderful  years of your life. If someone gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college. But I also hope that ten years later as well, your eyes will shine the same way as they do today. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only through college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not just you, but my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really need it now more than any moment in history. And there is something cool about saying – I come from the land of a billion sparks.

Thank You.

Chetan Bhagat

EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY

Once in Persia reigned a king,

Who upon a signet ring

Carved a maxim strange and wise,

When held before his eyes,

Gave him counsel at a glance,

Fit for every change and chance:

Solemn words, and these were they:

‘EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

Trains, of camel through the sand

Brought him gems from Samarcand;

Fleets of galleys over the seas

Brought him pearls to rival these,

But he counted little gain,

Treasures of the mine or main;

‘What is wealth?’ the king would say

“EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

‘Mid the pleasures of his court

At the zenith of their sport,

When the palms of all his guests

Burned with clapping at his jests,

Seated midst the figs and wine,

Said the king: ‘Ah, friends of mine,’

Pleasure comes but not to stay,

“EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

Woman, fairest ever seen

Was the bride he crowned as queen,

Pillowed on the marriage-bed

Whispering to his soul, he said

“Though no monarch ever pressed

Fairer bosom to his breast,

Mortal flesh is only clay!

‘EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

Fighting on the furious field,

Once a javelin pierced his shield,

Soldiers with a loud lament

Bore him bleeding to his tortured side,

‘                 Pain is hard to bear,” he cried,

But with patience, day by day,

“EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.’

in a public square

Forty cubits in the air,

And the king disguised, unknown,

Gazed upon his sculptured name,

And he pondered, “What is fame?’

Fame is but a slow decay!

“EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

Struck with palsy, sore and old,

Waiting at the gates of gold,

Said he with his dying breath

‘Life is done, but what is Death?”

Then as answer to the king

Fell a sunbeam on his ring;

Showing by a heavenly ray,

“EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

Theodore Tilten

Accenture so far has been a good avenue to me , The first thing that i learnt after joining accenture is that “The world is not as complicated as i used to belive when i was in college ,dreaming about doing MBA and HATING  IT jobs( yes the one iam doing now!!) .I think that accenture is a good omen to start with in my pursuit of being an entreprenuer sometime someday in my life.The best thing that i liked about this company is the work culture,the freedom that the employee gets(Unlimited in ITP).I came across some good people who became my friends…some ppl whome i will remember for all of my life.

well if i look back at what i plucked in the one year that i spent….I can see unlimited fun that i had whenever i got a chance(at the companys expense!!)..I can see that i have changed in terms of perspective of the business world and about reading people…also i can see many Mistakes that i did without having to face any consequences luckily(Excluding some that really matter )!!! The most important thing that i learnt is that “Happiness comes from Within” and that being yourself is the best thing in all circumstances….never compromise on this.!!

Some things about me that surprised myself would be “My ability to crack PJ’s”….My intrest in “Music”,Becoming a foodie ,Patience that i developed and looking at things and situations as they are rather than as i imagine them to be.(Unlike BTECH Attitude)

The short summary of  things that would be memorable in this one year would be:-

1.Joining Accenture (Inspite of Dad wanting me to do MBA..basically anything other than IT!) got admiti in ICFAI Hyd

2.Induction Program (Ranjiths Memicry…Inspiring and learning moment)

3.The GFT…..How we 5 ppl (pavan,vijay,guthi,sudheer n me) thought it to be Mission Impossible 420!!!

4.The 2 months that i spent away from home in a rented spacious apartment!!(Movies,parties etc etcLearnt and incresed my awareness about many things)…;)!!

5.GFT Flunked!!!(Almost packed my Bags…thinking that GOD wanted me to be somewhere else,but Ajay came to the resue)!!

6.ITP……wow the best part of life in accy.BO sessions Unlimited gossip,playing TT,Carom,Foose Ball,Pool,reading all magzined in IRC and listning songs..Best of which was “Booking a Conference hall to discus all the party,getogethr plans!!!”…..It was like “Sasural” (Inlaws Home)!!

7.ITP….(Worst part in terms of what i did to improve myself!!Realising now!!(The BTECH approach continued and i belive i wasted lot of time under the sun)

8.SRS Travels…..The fun that we had in the Bus playing UNO,Dumsharats and anything possible in the moving Bus!!!!!…was a great stress buster;) after a days work.The meeting that me,karthik,sandeep n pavan used to have every day at 6:00.. near the bus parking lot were informational!!:p

9.BIRTHDAY PARTIES…Everyone feels happy on his birthday….Not with us..The Informatica Group….the wierd manner of celebrations and spanking that the candidate receives can never be forgotten.:)

10.CRITICISM FROM FRIENDS….this was a good experience when i was working on BO Installation guide with swathi….the perceptions of many people whome i belived to be close to me changed and unwanted comments and taunts surfaced(No offence taken!!).The most important thing in life i learnt was that “Do what you belive is true and ethical,Rest all is CRAP!!”

11.Unlimited Trainings……..BODI,ORACLE BI (2WCE) ,JAVA(read next line)

12JAVA……..Horrible nightmare for me comming true…….I would prefer to jump in a dark well rather than work on this platform.Training experience shook me to the core..also brought the best in me in terms of mental strength.Cleared all the tests without flunkin.(Would thank Ranjith for tryin to make things easy….but he never scucceded!!!)

12.Vishal &CO…well vishal,venkat the TT champs and the mentors of ppl who learnt playin tt and Carom from these guys.Vishal always made the mood of any situation lighter and was very vocal and humorous….his shayari in GFT and his Rapport with ananth in JAVA training was really wonderful!!!Guys hope u all remember the “puli” clip and the “endo-emo” song..?????

13.VIZAG tour…this was a brether after the horrific training…it was Independence Day….If someone looks at the tour pics,the happiness and relief in my face can be clearly seen!!(Thanks to Shreyas Vemuganti…made good arrangements!!)

14.DIE ANOTHER DAY……….Every dark cloud has a  silver Lining….well,as things have always been tailormade for me sofar…touchwood…Cleared the interview for a BI requirement and got Back on Track!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO JAVA CRAP IN LIFE!!!!Working on SAP BPC project.

15.TRANINGS….. TOTAL RECALL!!!……many traings in Project..SAP BPC,SAP BI,Hyperion……LoadRunner…

16.Testing Times…..In life so far i have never assesed my performance…but lol here was i Asked to do Performnce Testing of SAP BPC…..The best part of work in accenture so far in terms of work,learning and improving the perspective of things in the corporate world.Working directly with an AM gives me freedam and insights of things at the top level.

17.Learning GUITAR…improvin the outlook towards life.

——–>>The best thing above all is met some intresting people and did some weird things …..some of which are listed…

• PJ ing…….My friends ran out of oxygen!!!

• .Organising ITP Sport event (Many blunders and comic situations!!)

• .R.Karthik and me sharing the same opinion about  salary and our endless investigations and dicusions about incresing it…:p (1 year no Change!!..lol!!)

• .For a week some of us had lenghthy discussion and Chalked out a Plan to start a SIDE BUSINESS….cant stop laughing thinking about that!!!!Everyone gave a plan but none dared to put a single rupeee….:p;)

• .Ranjith Kumar Diatha   vs    Kartik Joshi  (The tom and jerry show)!!!!

• .The skit and the Guitar show that we performed.(The preparation behind these 2 events!!)

• .KT sessions in IT and The feedback responsiblity on my shoulders for the KT sessions…..that really a balancing act and the sessions later turned to be Comedy shows!!!

• .Menthos zindagi of Naveen  in the project that iam working….Confidential info!!

• .Currently enjoying workin with an AM who is bindaas and gives me the freedom to work!!!!

As i continue to get feedback about this blog….iam reminded by many more fabulous experiences of the past year!!Gosh….we did so many things……so if you want to know them..please proceed to..

http://sandeep.techonaut.com/2009/08/1st-anniversary-at-accenture/
Hope i share a better experience than this the next year!!!!..:)

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